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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Living On

She had a dream to travel. Travel and see the world. Enjoy the many wonders that the nature presented. Relish the freedom. Live the dreams. But then... life happened.

Over a cup of coffee, sitting in a dimly lit room, watching the snowfall outside, there were many things that crossed her mind. Her wonderful childhood, which she didn't know how wonderful it was then. Her amazing college life, the worth of which she did not realize then. Then the dark years, the many tragedies, then now, Now, where she was.

At a point in time, everything seemed perfect for her. But suddenly out of the blue, it happened. Her body started fighting against her. Auto immune diseases she had studied of, somewhere jn her school texts. But never thought something like that would happen to her. Why should one's body fight against the self? But life as strange as is it, turned out that way for her. And she was diagnosed with the debilitating condition of Multiple Sclerosis.

It was denial at first, then it was depression. Then blaming  fate and God. The so called wonderful life of her friends passed before her eyes. The bright and promising future she had laid crumpled at her feet. She was sick. She needed help for everything. She couldn't hold a pen.She couldn't walk. The world was always going round and round for her. Her love had left her. She lost her zest, her will to live. She wanted to die.

But, death doesn't come easily to those who want it. She lived. Seeing many others with those wonderful lives perish before her eyes. She was confused. Then she realized. The uncertainness of tomorrow. She realized the need for living in the moment. Happiness was always there. She tried to seek out for it. She fought against her condition, she fought against the sympathizing society and she lived. She lived by learning to love herself, she lived by learning to accept herself, she lived by turning a deaf ear to the cruel world.

And now she was here. With a cup of coffee, watching the snowfall , pondering over her life. She felt content inside. She had found the happiness within her. She had learned the art of living. She had learned to make the best out of what she had.

She got up with the help of her walker. Her legs had given away their strength long back. But she walked on forward.

Tomorrow for her was a mystery. But, who cares about tomorrow. It was the moment that mattered for her. She had a lot to do. Nothing was going to stop her. She had a lot to do.

She moved on forward. Out in the cold , into the harsh weather, to achieve her dreams..

chitz...



Thursday, December 12, 2013

The Exes and Me

So, someone close to me had a break up.I knew the two people well for quite a long time. They were together too, for quite a long time. But, now they broke up. Ideally, it should have been so. End of the story. But no, in reality, the after effects are still there. The sad part is the after effects are to be suffered not by the  2 main characters in the story, but their well wishers who were with them. And that includes the likes of me.

What happened is that the ex Juliet in the story has un-friended him and blocked him from all sorts of social contact. But well enough, the ex Romeo creates new ids and profiles and messages her. And the drama still continues.

And then there is me. Me, who was nobody in the story, but a good old friend. I never asked these people to meet up or break up. But then also, I am being subjected to periodic and forced involvement in the story. The ex Romeo being my friend messages me so as to get in contact with her.

First, I used to get whining stories. Sad stories. So, there was consoling from my part. More sad stories, more consoling. And this went on for quite a while. Finally it reached the limits. And me in all my politeness told him that it is none of my business to interfere in others personal life and asked him to stop involving me in this.

Guess it worked , atleast for a week. But now it has restarted all again.. Being my FB friend he sends me messages. The funny part is that he sends me long stories for which I am not able to reply to because his account is instantly deactivated after he messages me. So, guess he silently reactivates his profile, messages me and BOOM, he does the disappearing act again.

And me, I don't know what to do. Because, if I try to message him, I can't because he is a ghost in FB then. I can't block him nor unfriend him because for that you need a working profile. And I can't stay up the whole day and night just to see when his profile is active again. So I am the subject of constant ghost messaging by this guy.

So, I decided this is the only way out. When you relogin to your profile and snoop on my profile, which I know you will...please take the pains to read this, for I have written this especially for you.

Break ups happen. But life should go on. But if you are so adamant that life shouldn't move on, then OK your wish. But please stop involving the likes of me and stop playing this hide and seek Drama. The rest of us have our not so seemingly perfect lives and problems to handle. And this is the umpteenth bye and I won't disturb you again message that you are sending me. So I sincerely wish one day it becomes true. Not that bye part, I would still like to be your friend like I was before, but that I won't disturb you with this crap part. Seriously bro, learn to stick on to your words.

Sincerely hope you move on with your life.. and leave the likes of me to live in peace...I truly respect your feelings.. But...


so long
me.....

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Guess I haven't gotten over it completely.. She was not that close to me, but guess the impact was big. Otherwise I wouldn't just sit up one night all of a sudden and think of her..Life seems like a big joke.. A person full of life and love, now just nothing.

Guess life is so..
RIP for you gives a completely new meaning
Return If Possible..

The grief I see all over is hard to take..
RIP dear chechi...
....

Monday, December 9, 2013

Sleep Away

She could have slept if she tried to.. But then, she didn't.. why should she? After all there was the music, the etheral music she always loved.

The divine music which took her to the past..
The past which was only in her dreams
But the past which was real than the reality

The soulful music which made her realize
Realize what she was
Who she was..
What she was....

And then it stopped..
The music
The dreams
The love..

Sleep told her
Come...
Visit my haven
Where lies the pleasures unknown
Unreal but there
Short but sweet
Come...come on
My haven of dreams await you
Short but sweet
Lucky you are maybe
Then it will last for on

Sleep away she thought
The music has gone
The love has faded
The dreams have vanished

Sleep away she decided
To the realms of unreality
To the pleasures of the unsure

Sleep away..
Lucky if you are
Your answers you will get.

chitz...

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

When nothing feels good, its just like that.  Its been a dark, gloomy and depressing day. Nothing is good. No hope seen anywhere and the best thing that can be done is to shut up yourself and ignore the world.

Feeling meh, meh meh...all so meh!!!